


Dream Walking

by QueenOfAllCorgis



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Agoraphobia, Coma, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 16:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15222821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfAllCorgis/pseuds/QueenOfAllCorgis
Summary: Phil hadn’t left his home in three years but every night he would close his eyes and find himself in someone else’s dream. One night he walks into Dan’s dream which is different from any other one he had been in before.





	1. Chapter 1

There wasn’t really anything Phil looked forward to more than sleeping.

It was an escape from the constant twisting, ache in his chest. It was a way to hide from the covered windows and multiple locks on his door. It was the safe place in a horrible, horrible world.

He would down a few sleeping pills, lay down and after just a few minutes his body would relax. His breathing would slow and his limbs would relax and his eyes would slip closed.

Then they would open in a new place.

Every night Phil found himself in a hallway of doors. Here, his anxiety would be gone and the only thing he had to concern himself with was what door to step through. He would just have to take a deep breath and twist the doorknob.

Some nights he would just wind up in a mess of colors and feelings and that would be okay unless the colors were harsh and the feelings bit deep. Some nights he would wind up in a confusing combination of bizarre pictures and situations. Some nights he would wind up in a terrifying swirl of someone else’s worst fear.

But some nights, he would wind up in a perfectly normal place. He would be at the edge of a beach or sitting on a couch in someone’s living room.

Everyone dreamed from the moment their eyes slid closed. Most of the time it was mundane, an echo of what their normal lives were, and that was what Phil craved.

No one saw him trespass on people’s dreams. No one cared if he hadn’t physically left his flat in three years. No one called him multiple times a day to make sure he took his meds.

Here he was just…Phil and there wasn’t anything else.

This night’s door looked just like every other door. It was painted white among a white wall with a silver doorknob. It felt cool under his hand as he turned it and stepped through.

The doors led to a different dream every time and tonight he found himself in a sepia toned Starbucks. The smell of coffee was muted and a soft afternoon light spilled through the large windows but something felt off.

Phil froze a few steps into the coffee shop and glanced around. A few people milled around, not seeming to do anything of importance but they were all dressed in the same khaki outfit. At closer glance Phil recoiled at the complete lack of face on any of the people. Their heads were just smooth panes of expressionless skin.

The blank figures just moved in the same patterns over and over. They went from their table to the counter to get empty cups of coffee and then back again. It was disturbing and confusing and made something uncomfortable twist in Phil’s stomach and all he wanted to do was run.

He turned quickly on his heel, wanting to run when he saw the back corner booth.

A young man sat in the seat, looking so out of place among the crowd of nothing. He was wearing a black sweater with a wide neck and his hair fell in messy waves around his forehead. The man looked exhausted, stirring his drink slowly.

Then he looked up and locked eyes with Phil and it felt like he had been struck by lightning.

Phil gasped and opened his eyes to see his ceiling above him.

His heart pounded and it felt like he was drowning in sweat. Shakily, he pushed himself into a seated position and scrubbed his hands through his hair.

Never, ever had one of the dreamers actually looked at him or even acknowledged him. It was horrifying and disturbing and kept Phil awake for the rest of the night.

–

“Okay mom,” Phil mumbled into the phone as he finished making his sandwich. There was a moment where he had trouble balancing his phone as he topped it off with the second piece of bread but he quickly brought it back up again.

“I just…maybe these medications aren’t really helping that much,” she sounded tired which Phil felt a twinge of guilt for. “I know you just got these new ones but I don’t see much more progress. Do you want to come live with us for a bit?”

That made his mouth go dry and his chest to clench painfully. “No.”

“I know sweetheart,” she sighed. “I just worry.”

Phil sighed and sat in his armchair, sandwich forgotten. “I take them every day. Dr. Jullian comes twice a week. I just…I’m not ready.”

“I know, I know. It’ll happen when you’re ready,” his mom said softly and that got a small smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too mom. I have to do some work,” he smiled through the goodbyes and hung up the phone, letting out a long sigh.

For a moment Phil was tempted to do it. He was tempted to step out of his flat and walk down the hall. Then the anxiety started and almost choked him and he had to quickly shake his head to clear the thought out of his head.

He managed a few deep breaths before starting up the editing software on his computer.

Someday.

Not today.

–

When Phil woke up again in the hall of doors he felt a moment of hesitation.

The dream last night had been so strange. That young man had  _looked_  at him and that was enough to shake him. However, the idea of giving up his only escape propelled him to step through another door.

Unbelievably he found himself in that same coffee shop. The same faceless beings cycled around him and the same young man in the booth.

He had never, ever walked into the same person’s dream twice.

This time when the man looked at him he didn’t wake up. They stared at each other for a long moment before Phil took a deep breath and walked towards him.

“How do you see me?” He asked as he placed his fingertips on the tabletop.

The man looked a bit startled. “I…don’t know?”

Another awkward silence passed before Phil slid into the seat across from him. “Because I’ve been dream walking since I was like four years old and not once has anyone ever seen me. How can you see me?”

It seemed like the other man was moving through molasses or something. He moved slowly and took a touch too long to respond. “Maybe it isn’t a dream. If it was a dream then…I’ve been dreaming for so, so long.”

Phil just stared at him for a long time, noticing how sad and confused the other man seemed. “My name is Phil.”

“Phil,” the man almost slurred out. “I’m Dan…something is wrong with my dream.”

“I know,” Phil nodded.

The world around them seemed almost to dim again and they both glanced around. Dan swallowed heavily and tightened his fingers around his coffee mug. He looked terrified before it turned to confusion again.

“Who are you?” Dan asked airily and Phil felt a spike of fear.

“I’m Phil,” he leaned forward and pulled one chilled hand away from the coffee mug and squeezed it.

Then Dan squeezed back and Phil felt himself wake up.

–

_Dreams aren’t just pictures in your head Phillip. They are our hopes, fears, wishes, and memories. They show the things we are often too scared to show others. Some of us have the honor of seeing other’s truest selves. Don’t let that gift go to waste._

His grandmother had never really explained the whole dream walking thing. It had been an unspoken secret between them until the day she died and he had never really questioned it.

Now he wished he had.

Any research he did wound up in a dead end. How could he have a conversation with a dreamer? What did Dan mean by his dream being wrong? Why had he gone into his dream twice?

Things got even stranger when he opened the door and walked into Dan’s dream for the third night in a row.

As always Dan was sitting in the corner booth stirring his coffee. He was a little bit more hunched over than before and the bags under his eyes seemed more bruised than ever. Even the setting around them seemed duller than before.

“Dan?” Phil slid into the other side and Dan slowly raised his gaze to meet his. “Hi, how are you?”

Nothing. Dan just stared at him for a few beats.

“Dan,” he reached over to take his hand and that seemed to bring him into the present. “Do you remember me? My name is Phil.”

A slow nod. “Phil. Phil who comes into my dream.”

A smile spread across his face. “That’s right. You’re in the same dream? I’ve never been in the same dream twice.”

“You say that like it’s normal,” his words sped up slightly, like he was waking up.

“I guess for me it is, I’ve never been normal,” Phil shrugged. “So…what drink do you have there?”

“I don’t know,” Dan huffed out a laugh and glanced down. “I normally get a caramel macchiato at Starbucks though so maybe it’s that.”

The conversation continued from there. It was strange and stilted, mostly about mundane things and it was pretty repetitive but Phil honestly didn’t care. This was the first time he had spoken to anyone outside his family and therapist in months.

Having a conversation with Dan seemed to bring the life back into him a bit. He repeated things less, his eyes were brighter, and his smile widened. He laughed and rolled his eyes as he talked about how much he hated his job as a lawyer. His whole body leaned forward when Phil talked, almost like he was starving for communication.

They were well into a debate about various animes when Phil felt suddenly weightless. He swayed in his seat a bit and shook his head.

“I think I’m waking up.”

“Oh…” Dan deflated and curled his hands around his empty cup.

“You should be waking up soon too,” Phil said with a shrug and a deep frown creased the younger man’s face. “Won’t you?”

“I haven’t yet,” a look of worry and exhaustion passed over Dan’s face.

He hadn’t woken up? Phil took in Dan’s pale face, trembling hands and hunched shoulders. How long had he been trapped here? Was something wrong?

“Are you okay Dan?”

He woke up before he heard the answer.

–

“Something seems different,” Dr. Jullian frowned, leaning forward a bit and placing her pen on her paper. “You seem uncomfortable. Is something wrong?”

Dr. Jullian was a lovely plump blonde woman with a fondness for colored pant suits. She visited twice a week and had for years. She hadn’t even blinked an eye when they had to start their sessions with her sitting outside his flat and conducted their sessions through a cracked door.

“I feel like nothing is happening!” Phil blurted. “I’ve been stuck in this apartment for years and I  _can’t leave.”_

“Yes you can,” she said, her voice permanently patient.

“No! Because even thinking about leaving makes my heart race and my palms sweat and picturing opening the front door makes me feel like I am going to throw up. I don’t ever think I’ll step out of my flat and it’s terrifying. I want to go outside and enjoy life but…I can’t,” he slumped back.

Dr. Jullian looked at him over her glasses. “You always seemed resistant to trying and now it seems like you are willing to try.”

The idea made his hands itch and he rubbed them together. “I don’t know about that…”

“What has changed Phil?” She picked her pen up and poised it over her paper.

What could he say? I go walking through dreams and I’m worried about some guy I’ve never met. I want to make sure he’s okay. I think something might be wrong.

No,  _that_  sounded crazy even to him.

“I think it’s time for me to leave,” Phil sat up straight and tried to ignore the anxiety creeping up on him.

“Let’s explore that,” Dr. Jullian smiled brightly.

That night when he lay in bed his head ached. Every therapy session felt a bit like teasing at a scab. Phil knew that dealing with things was meant to be painful but when did the healing start? Sometimes therapy felt like one step forward and two steps back.

Stepping through the door to see Dan’s dream felt a bit like coming home. It was familiar and the lingering anxiety faded a bit as he approached Dan’s table.

“Hi,” Dan smiled softly at him. “You’re back.”

“Yeah,” Phil sat down heavily.

“Long day?” Dan teased, his hands loosening from his cup. “You look as tired as I feel.”

“I had therapy today,” the words rushed out and Phil blushed at the way Dan raised his eyebrows. “And it’s good…it’s good because I’m getting better but damn, it’s exhausting. Getting better is so exhausting.”

A few beats passed before Dan let out a whistle. “I’ve been there. Not the most exciting of clubs to be honest.”

“No,” Phil laughed, feeling that same at ease feeling.

“Want to talk about it?” Dan asked and for the first time in a long time Phil agreed.

“Three years ago my friend and I were walking home from a pub and we were mugged. It was two kids with a couple of knives and we did what they asked. We did exactly what people told us to do,” Phil felt his hands itch and rubbed them against his jumper.  “When they took Patrick’s money one of them just…he just stabbed him.”

“Oh,” Dan’s breath escaped in a breath.

“They ran and he bled to death before the ambulances could get there,” Phil gripped his sleeves tightly. “And I don’t talk about it. When I got back to my flat that night I never left again. The idea of going outside ruined me and this…the dreams are the only time I get to see anything besides the wall of my flat.”

This time Dan was the first time to reach over and take his hand. “Thank you for telling me. I feel kind of honored that you would tell me that.”

It felt like a million pounds had been lifted from Phil’s shoulders and he grinned. It felt different from talking to his therapist or family. Talking to Dan was freeing. He looked at him without judgment or pity. Honestly, Dan was the easiest person he had ever talked to.

“And I know you’re thinking that I could just walk out my flat but I can’t. It’s hard to explain but-“

“I didn’t think that. You’re not crazy,” Dan shook his head with a sad smile. “I’m the one who’s been trapped here for forever.”

“Yeah, what’s that about?” Phil asked.

“I don’t know…when you’re not here everything blurs and I just stay here. Sometimes the colors change…like they get darker…but most of the time I’m just here,” Dan’s brow creased. “And I think if you don’t keep coming I’ll fade completely.”

The idea of Dan not being here, of not being able to talk or laugh with him, was unthinkable. He had never even met Dan in person but the idea was enough to make it hard to breathe.

“You’ve never woken up?” Phil asked and Dan shook his head. “I don’t understand…usually I just kind of hang out for a few hours and then either I or the dreamer wake up. I’ve never been in the same dream twice and I’ve never talked to anyone before.”

“So what makes me special?” Dan asked.

What did make him special? The dream was similar to others, if not even more unremarkable. The faceless figures doing the same movements over and over seemed to not notice, why wasn’t Dan the same?

“I don’t know,” Phil whispered. “I don’t know why we keep winding up in the same dream. Maybe you can walk in dreams too.”

“Maybe…but if it’s a dream it’s a really long one,” he scrubbed a hand over his face. “And when you leave I just keep repeating the conversation over and over in my head or I start slipping. I forget things like what my house looks like or my mom’s name. If I’m not thinking about what we just talked about then I lose everything.”

And he did look like he was losing. His hair had lost a bit of it’s previous fluff, lying limply against his forehead. His skin was practically see through which just accentuated the horribly dark bags. When they had first met Dan had looked tired. Now he looked like a ghost.

“Are you sick Dan? Why can’t you wake up?”

Tears sprung to Dan’s eyes and he shook his head. “I don’t know. I think I’m in trouble. Sometimes it feels like air is being shoved into my lungs or I feel a sharp pain in my arms. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Maybe it wasn’t a dream.

“Could you be in the hospital?” Something flickered across Dan’s face for a minute. “Could you be sick or injured?”

“Then why am I not waking up? Am I…dead?” His breath hitched and Phil grabbed his hands, shaking his head.

“No! I don’t think so,” Phil tried to assure him and got a glare in response. “I’m sure of it.”

“You’re so sure I’m alive? Why?” He stilled looked a bit panicked but squeezed Dan’s hand.

“Because you’re the only person I’ve talked to in years. Because I can’t imagine a world that you aren’t in,” Dan’s eyes softened and Phil bowed his head a bit. “Because something’s wrong and I want to make sure you’re safe.”

Dan’s hands trembled in Phil’s hold. “I’m kind of scared.”

“I’m going to help,” Phil cleared his throat and scooted forward in his chair. “Tell me your full name. When I wake up I’ll find you, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan smiled and nodded. “I’m Dan Howell.”

“Phil Lester,” Phil filed the name away. “Just because it didn’t seem fair for me to know your whole name and you not to know mine.”

The familiar lightheadedness hit and Phil said his goodbyes. His heart clenched as Dan gave him one more smile before falling into the same routine of staring into his coffee cup. It was like someone reset a scene, not one thing out of place.

He took a couple more steps towards the door before someone grabbed his arm and scared the life out of him. The blank barista held his arm in an iron grip, his head cocking to the side.

“This is the last time you’ll visit here,” the voice echoed and Phil felt ice cold. “Some people are just meant to fade.”

“No,” Phil shook his head and the grip tightened.

“Let it happen. You wont find this door again,” the hand pushed him away and Phil blinked awake. The icy feeling and fear lingered, making Phil practically run to the bathroom to throw up.

His nerves sang with energy, his stomach churned, and his head pounded.

Some people were meant to fade? Maybe Dan dressed in dark clothes and curled in to protect himself but he certainly wasn’t someone who should fade into nothing. He was bright and his smile lit up the room. How could that be something that could fade into nothing?

Nearly frantic, Phil grabbed his laptop and started it up. He opened up Facebook and typed  _Dan Howell_  into the search bar.

It was a shot in the dark. Phil was basing his location solely on his accent but he could be living anywhere in the world. A feeling of hopelessness washed through him as he started scanning through the tiny pictures.

Finally, he recognized one of them. Dan in the picture was wearing a silly cap with sunglasses and throwing up a goofy peace sign. Relief washed over Phil as he opened the page and looked through the posts on his wall.

_We’re praying for you Dan!_

_Please get better soon!_

_Everyone is thinking of you and wants you to get better._

There were also multiple links to various fundraising pages and shared photos. For a minute Phil was terrified that Dan  _was_  dead and he had been talking to a ghost this whole time. With shaky fingers he clicked on one of the pages.

_Dan Howell is a beloved son, brother and friend. He is well liked at his law firm and often described as a caring, funny coworker. Dan was walking home from work one night when he was struck by a speeding vehicle. The car left the scene and Dan was rushed to the hospital. He had three broken ribs, a broken tibia, dislocated shoulder, and bleeding in the brain. Dan is currently in a coma. We want to help raise money for his recovery and to help his family pay his hospital bills._

The description carried on for a bit about how to donate but all Phil could focus on was the date. Dan had been in a coma for two months. That’s why he couldn’t wake up, because he was in a coma. He felt the machines and the needles but he couldn’t see them.

Now what the man had said about fading made sudden terrifying sense. Dan was dying. He was trapped in the in between and every time he looked more tired he was one step closer to slipping away.

If he faded completely there wouldn’t be anything left.

But, when he touched Dan there was a new light that came to his eyes. If he could get Dan to brighten a bit in the dreams, what would happen if he was there in real life?

He had to find the hospital that Dan was staying in.

For the first time in years the idea of leaving his flat didn’t strike him as completely terrifying. He had to find Dan and he had to help. The dream was shown to him for a reason and he had no choice.

Phil looked through the comments a few more times before he caught the name Louise Pentland a few times. She seemed to be really close to Dan, judging by the goofy pictures they took together, and he opened a message to her.

_To Louise: Hi! My name is Phil Lester and I was a university friend of Dan’s. I heard about the accident and was wondering if it is okay for me to visit him? We were very close and I just want to see him._

The message came across as a little creepy but it was far less creepy than the truth. For hours Phil tried to distract himself as he frantically checked to see if he had a response. He cleaned his flat, he started his laundry, he washed and rewashed all the dishes in his kitchen and then he finally got a response.

_From Louise: Hello!!! We can use any support we can get! Visiting hours are over today but come tomorrow! He’s at the UCH, just ask for him at the front desk._

He slumped backwards in relief. Finally, Phil had the answers he had been searching for. He had a chance to help Dan and he was going to do it.

Then the reality set in. In order to really help Dan, he was going to have leave his flat. He was going to have to leave this safe place and potentially put himself in danger.

Anxiety climbed up his throat and scratched at his chest, making it hard to breathe. He could do this, he had to do this. Even though his fingers felt numb he still forced them to schedule a taxi for the next morning.

Phil swallowed a few pills to calm his racing mind and then lay down, wanting nothing more than to reassure Dan that he was on his way. The rushing thoughts were nothing against the medication settling in his veins and he quickly slipped under.

The hall of doors appeared in front of him as always and Phil stepped forward to turn the doorknob. He tried to turn it and nothing happened, the door was locked.

“No, no, no,” Phil tried to shake the door but nothing happened. His heart jumped into his throat and in his panic he ran to the next door, shoving it open.

On the other side was a beautiful park.

After nearly three weeks of going into Dan’s dream every night he felt almost dizzy at the difference. There was no coffee smell or slowly moving people. There was no light brightening Dan’s eyes.

Nothing.

Dan’s dream was closed off to him.

Tears filled his eyes and a feeling of hopelessness almost overwhelmed Phil. He had been so focused on talking to someone where he was comfortable that he hadn’t even recognized that Dan was in danger.

No more. He was getting to that hospital no matter how much his brain fought him on it. He could do this. He had to.

When Phil woke up the next morning he was more determined than ever. He got dressed in a simple t-shirt, jeans and a jacket and looked outside the window until the taxi pulled up to the curb.

Opening doors every night seemed normal but opening his front door seemed nearly impossible. His hand lingered over the doorknob for what felt like forever and his heart pounded painfully.

He could do this.

He had to do this.

With a deep breath Phil pushed open the door. Instantly he felt dizzy. His breathing came in short bursts and he had to lean against the doorframe to not fall to the ground.

“Get to Dan,” he hissed to himself, forcing his feet to move forward. “Just make it to Dan.”

Phil knew he had to look insane as he slid into the taxi, sweat running down his face and hands shaking so bad he could barely hold the handle. The panic attack lingered at the edge, threatening to topple over any moment.

“You alright there mate?” The taxi driver looked in the rearview mirror and he nodded, squirming in his seat.

“Fine. I need to go to the University College Hospital please,” he let out in a rushed breath and thankfully the driver didn’t say anything.

The rest of the taxi ride passed in complete silence, broken only by Phil’s harsh breathing and the squeak of the seat as he fidgeted. It was terrifying and horrible but all Phil could do was grip the door handle and breathe, repeating the only phrase that was getting him through this.

Get to Dan. Just make it to Dan.

Getting out of the cab was the next step and being on the street was even worse than being in the tiny taxi. People rushed by, bumping into him apparently noticing the man about to have a mental breakdown in front of the hospital doors.

Just make it to Dan.

Moving his feet was like walking through concrete. Phil shuffled through the doors to the front desk and fixed a smile on his face that he hoped wasn’t manic.

“I am here to visit Dan Howell,” his voice came out high pitched and the woman looked at him strangely.

“Um…okay…” she took his ID and made him a quick sticker badge. “Are you feeling okay sir? We can’t allow people who are sick into the wards.”

“I’m fine. Totally fine,” Phil took the sticker and placed it on his shirt. “Just not the biggest fan of hospitals.”

With a final smile he walked to the elevator and pressed the four button. The doors slid closed and he fell against the wall with a low thud.

For years Phil had imagined what walking out into the real world would be like. He had imagined the fear and panic, just like that night. Reality was even stranger. It was like his body had a reflex from then. His breathing sped up, his heart raced, and he shook all over. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that nothing was wrong his body didn’t get the memo.

It was infuriating.

The elevator dinged and he sucked in a deep breath before hurrying down the hall to the room he knew Dan was in. This time he didn’t hesitate before turning the doorknob.

A blonde girl glanced up from a magazine and smiled at him. She looked tired but pure friendliness practically exuded from her.

“Hi! You must be Phil!”

Even though she was bright and bubbly Phil couldn’t tear his gaze away from the figure in the bed.

He was so used to Dan lighting up when he saw him, a smile spreading across his face. Instead Dan lay perfectly still. Sheets were pulled halfway up his chest and various IV’s lay on top of them. A tube was helping him breathe and looked scarily out of place in his mouth.

“He took a turn for the worse,” Louise’s voice was soft. “I mean his family just left for a bite but the doctors are worried that this might be the beginning of the end. He spiked a fever and…”

Phil nodded, knowing what she was saying and not wanting her to say anything else. He took a few steps closer and felt his heart rate pick up again. It didn’t feel like the anxiety or fear, it felt like something new and different.

Dan’s hand felt dry and warm when he intertwined their fingers. It was like an electric shock rushed up his arm and the anxiety vanished. It was like every night where he would hold Dan’s hands to help him focus.

He squeezed Dan’s hand and Dan squeezed back.

And then Dan woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

Movies show coma patients waking up quickly, asking questions and being shocked at the year they were in. **  
**

That wasn’t exactly accurate. Dan had opened his eyes but there was absolutely no recognition in his eyes. For just a few minutes they would scan across the room before they fluttered closed and he fell asleep again. He didn’t talk, he didn’t focus on anything, and he didn’t react to much besides light and pain.

The doctors said he was in a vegetative state. It was a step up from a coma but still worrying. Dan had been in a coma for months now and he might never be the same.

It was something Phil had dreaded explaining to Dan.

–

“I’m a vegetable,” Dan asked tonelessly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Technically,” Phil nodded. The dream had changed a bit. The colors had deepened and some of the people had different clothes, looking more normal than before. “You can open your eyes but not much else. The doctors are hopeful.”

Dan frowned and looked thoughtful. “So, this is a coma dream. I mean…it’s looking a little different.”

“You’re kind of waking up,” Phil smiled.

“How?”

A faint blush spread across Phil’s cheeks and he looked down. “I um…I’m not sure? But I went to your hospital room and took your hands. Like this.”

He reached forward and took Dan’s hands, squeezing lightly. Dan stared down at their hands for a long moment before looking up with wide eyes.

“You came for me? I thought you couldn’t leave your flat. How did you get to me?” His voice was a whisper and Phil felt his blush darken.

“I…I just did? I don’t know. I used to not be able to think about leaving my flat without dissolving into tears or hyperventilating. It was hard but I just thought about how your dream was fading and I guess the fear of losing you was stronger than anything else,” Dan’s eyes softened and a faint smile quirked at the corners of his lips before he looked down again.

“No one has ever cared about me that much,” he said.

“They should,” Phil squeezed their hands a bit.

They both lapsed into silence and Phil took the time to look around the Starbucks. Everything seemed to be in sharper color. The decorations and clothing that the repetitive figures wore had changed as well and now he could hear very faint music and the chatter of voices. It had to be a sign that Dan was waking up.

“Where are you right now?” Dan asked, breaking him from his slight daze.

“I’m sleeping in a very uncomfortable chair in your hospital room,” another tiny smile lit up Dan’s face.

“And you’re okay?” He leaned forward, eyes turning worried.

“I am when I’m with you. I feel okay in the hospital room, just a little wound up. It’s hard outside, like my skin is crawling and I can’t get enough air,” Phil shivered, remembering the anxiety overwhelming him.

“Then stay with me,” Dan ran his thumb over the top of his hand.

–

It was bizarre seeing Dan in real life after seeing him in the dream. He was used to the long conversations and expressive eyes, not the blank stare that fluttered closed every so often.

It was a little weird staying in the hospital room with Dan. His family had come back up from their home in the south when he woke up and Phil felt incredibly awkward around them. He was torn between staying in the room and weaving this story about how they had been friends in university and leaving which made his anxiety spike.

“What course did you take together?” His mother asked, sipping from her mug of tea.

“Um…” Phil fidgeted in his chair, twisting his hands together. “We took…intro to psychology? Yes, psych. Crazy difficult class too.”

She hummed and nodded. “You don’t need to lie to me dear. It must have been hard for you these past few weeks. How long have you two been dating?”

Phil felt his face heat up instantly and choked a bit on his breath. His eyes shot to the still sleeping Dan and for a long moment he struggled with what to say. “Oh…I…um…”

“It’s fine,” she laughed and gave him a wink. “I just appreciate that you’re here now. Louise said that you were the first person he saw when he woke up and I’m glad for that.”

–

“So, your mom thinks we’re dating,” Phil blurted out in their corner booth.

For a moment Dan looked shocked then burst out laughing. It almost surprised Phil and he couldn’t help but smile as well. He didn’t often see Dan laughing and it quickly became one of Phil’s favorite things in the world.

“What did you do to spark that thought?” He asked, his eyes sparkling with laughter.

“I can’t leave your room without falling to pieces,” Phil grumbled, feeling a little embarrassed as Dan’s expression turned slightly sadder. “So, I’m just this random guy hanging out in your room.”

“You didn’t deny it?” Dan leaned slightly forward, a smirk on his face.

“Well, no…then I would just be this weird guy in your room,” the blush deepened as Dan leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. A faint smile lingered at his lips and he shook his head slightly.

“Can I call you the boyfriend of my dreams then?”

–

More and more of Dan came back.

Weeks passed and he started moving more, head turning and hands lifting. His eyes cleared and he was even able to make slight noises.

Finally, Dan’s eyes focused on Phil and he stared for a long time. Phil’s heart pounded in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. There was actual recognition in his eyes. Dan knew who he was and they were staring at each other’s eyes for the first time in the waking world.

It was strange and exhilarating.

“Hi,” Phil whispered and Dan’s mouth opened, working soundlessly around a word. “It’s okay, don’t talk. We’ll talk later, okay?”

He responded with a small nod.

–

That night Phil opened the door to a living room.

For a moment he was terrified. Was he even in Dan’s dream anymore? The living room seemed empty and he slowly walked through it, nervous.

A large comfortable couch sat at one end and a TV with tons of video games was at the other. Colorful art of superheroes lined the walls and a cozy looking fireplace crackled in the corner. It looked to be a well lived in room, complete with house plants and trinkets.

“Oh thank God,” a voice startled him and Phil spun around. “I hoped you would show up.”

Dan stood in the doorway, dressed in a black and white striped sweater and black jeans. He gave Phil a grin and hurried over to him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“This isn’t your normal dream,” Phil said, muffled against Dan’s shoulder.

“No,” Dan leaned back. “And I can move in this one! Is this what waking up feels like because it’s pretty fucking awesome.”

A spark of hope flared in Phil’s chest. He felt warm from Dan’s hug and tried not to lean towards him to chase that warmth a bit. “You’re more aware. You’re mumbling a bit and moving which is great.”

“I’m there. It’s a bit like I’m seeing and hearing things from under water but I’m there,” Dan let out a sigh. “And it’s so damn frustrating because I try to say things but nothing comes out.”

“Yeah, I know,” Phil nodded and Dan looked away, jaw clenched and face heating up. Earlier that day Dan had jerked his hand a bit and let out a few low groans. Tears had filled his eyes and trickled down his face as he sluggishly tried to pull out of the nurse’s hold.

It had to be beyond frustrating.

“Want to play some video games?” Dan suddenly spoke up, nodding towards the TV. “There’s not food or anything but video games are my idea of a perfect date anyway.”

“Date?” He wasn’t proud that his voice came out in a little squeak.

A crooked smile lifted the corners of Dan’s mouth. “You’re really going to tell me that after all this you’re only my pretend boyfriend?”

“I…guess not.”

The victorious grin made Phil’s stomach flutter.

–

“I know it’s probably cheating, because it’s going to take awhile for you to get your hand eye coordination back, but I’m going to kick your ass at Mario Kart as soon as you get out of here,” Phil grinned, legs curled up in the too small plastic chair.

In the bed Dan gave him what was possibly a glare. He still was unable to speak but his movements were less spastic and uncoordinated. They would start physical therapy soon and the doctors were hopeful that with time he would be more independent.

“I mean I’ve already got everything all set up for you at my flat,” he continued to ramble, feeling a little odd talking to someone who couldn’t respond back. “I’ve got the games and I even found some pictures just like the ones in your dream. They look pretty good.”

The questioning look Dan gave him made him pause before he quickly thought back to what he had just said.

“Oh! I just assumed…shit…we’re not even really dating in real life so…but we are,” Phil slumped a bit and groaned. “I’m making this so awkward.”

“No,” the word was soft and slurred but it was there.

“No? No what? No I’m not making this awkward because I am,” Phil buried his face in his hands and peeked through his fingers. “Or, no that we’re not really dating?”

“Yes,” Dan nodded shakily and smiled.

“Okay, okay, that makes me feel better,” Phil let out a breath.

The physical therapist came in and helped Dan into a seated position. The entire time she was helping him move his limbs for exercise Dan kept his eyes on him. Something had changed, Phil just didn’t know what.

–

“What is going on?” Dan’s voice hit him even before he got the door all the way open.

For the first time Phil actually wasn’t looking forward to talking to Dan. Was he making this relationship up in his head? Was he about to get broken up with by a guy he imagined was his boyfriend?

“What do you mean?” Phil tried to keep his tone light.

“What you said about me moving in with you,” Dan stood in the middle of the living room. “What is going on?”

It was hard even to speak. He honestly hadn’t meant to tell Dan what he had been thinking. They had joked about dating and being boyfriends but nothing had been set in stone just yet. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing his best friend over something so silly.

But…he couldn’t just not say anything anymore.

“I haven’t left my home in years. I have no friends and I talk to no one but…you are my friend and I talk to you. I don’t feel like my life is falling to pieces when I’m around you. You give me strength and because of you I have pulled myself out of the hole I’ve dug,” his voice cracked and Dan took a step forward. “You saved me.”

“I saved you?” Dan finally said with a soft laugh. “You saved me. You brought me back Phil.”

“I still don’t know how,” he reached up to rub the back of his neck.

A long pause passed before Dan sucked a breath in through his teeth. “When I’m here I feel normal but I know that my real body isn’t. I know that I can’t talk right or move much. I could be unable to feed myself or stuck in a wheelchair…I can’t burden you with that.”

“Burden? Didn’t you hear what I just said?” Phil laughed, feeling a little giddy as Dan hadn’t flat out rejected him yet.

A bright blush bloomed over Dan’s cheeks and he ducked his head. “You really want to do this? No joking?”

“I want to,” Phil grinned and nodded. Then he took a breath and a leap of faith and crossed the room. Pressing his lips to Dan’s sent a spark through his entire body. A shiver ran from to top of his head to his toes and instantly he knew he wanted to do it again and again and never stop.

“This is one hell of a dream,” Dan whispered against his lips.

–

Dan finally spoke for the first time three months after he woke up.

It had been hard and awkward but Phil had been there ever since he first opened his eyes. At first the anxiety of being out of his house was overwhelming at times but the more time he spent with Dan the less anxious he was.

Just being with Dan caused a wave of calm to go over him. His frazzled nerves were soothed and Phil felt like he could actually breathe. Even though Dan couldn’t speak much or move much his warm eyes said enough.

After the murder Phil had felt like his world narrowed into just the walls of his apartment. It felt safe and secure when he knew the world was just a nightmare. Dan showed him that he still had a place in this world. He showed him that he couldn’t just hide behind his door.

And Phil loved him for it.

The first time he realized he loved Dan was when they sat side by side on the couch in their dream. The other man was laughing so hard he could hardly sit up and leaned into Phil’s side. It struck Phil then that he didn’t want to go another day without hearing that sound.

–

The dream changed again.

This time when Phil stepped through the door he found himself on a path. On one side there was a beautifully clear river and on the other side there were giant, arching cherry blossom trees.

It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

“Hey you,” he turned to see Dan standing just a few steps away. The setting sun rested beautifully on his face and made his eyes seem almost golden.

“Hi,” Phil closed the gap and kissed him gently.

“Did you see the sick step I took today?” Dan said when the parted, eyes sparkling. “And I can almost hold a pencil. Soon I’ll be unstoppable.”

“You know I don’t care how long it takes,” the words tumbled out of Phil’s mouth and the smile faded from Dan’s face. “I’m here with you.”

Dan wound their fingers together and looked down. “You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for me.”

“On hold? My life didn’t start until I met you,” he was rewarded by a tiny smile.

A soft wind blew and shook a few of the petals loose, letting them rain down. Dan squeezed his fingers a bit and finally looked back up at him.

“I was pretty unhappy before the accident. I hated my job and didn’t have any friends,” he looked shy for a moment before a sly smirk spread across his face. “But you’re my dream guy.”

“Stop, that’s bad,” Phil rolled his eyes and laughed.

“And I know that it’s been hard for you but I promise I won’t leave you either. You…you be in the waking world for me and I’ll be here for you. Maybe one day I’ll be able to start my life over there. I can actually enjoy my life for once,” Dan smiled.

“Until then we have this,” Phil looked around them.

“And this is pretty great.”


End file.
